What is the lifespan of a fart? Call us obnoxious, but it’s worth considering in light of the revelation that a reality TV personality is making $45,000 a week selling farts in a jar (Selling Sunset spin-off, anyone?) Stephanie Matto, the actor of 90 Day Fiancé, has been dishing out the juicy details of her get-rich-quick plan in a series of educational TikTok videos.
Matto has gone to the Internet to advertise her Fart in a Jar product line, which costs an eye-watering $1,000 per parp, branding herself as a “small company” worthy of support this Christmas. Does it appear to be a substantial amount of money? Do not worry; there is a 50% off discount going on right now.
Matto has been as helpful with her “tips and techniques” for prospective jar o’ toots business owners as she has been with her gaseous excretions, with her debut film on the subject covering “Day in the life of a lady who sells her farts in a jar!” “I prefer to start with some beans, a protein muffin, sometimes even a yogurt (least sugar is better), and some hard-boiled eggs, and today I chose to make myself a protein smoothie with some yogurt added to it, and — ugh — I was definitely feeling it,” says the author. Matto clarifies.
“I prefer to read while I wait for those farts to form – I’m a really clever person who enjoys reading — and then when I’m ready, I go ahead and do my work.” Carry out my instructions. That’s something I don’t have to show you, people.”
“The scent is strongest for the first two days,” Matto says, “but as I like to say, ‘one whiff creates memories that last a lifetime.'” Matto touts the insertion of a petal in the fart jars as scent-extending technology for the skeptical customer. However, given that the aroma of a flower originates from the petals, which contain chemical volatiles, it appears that this is where her product fails.
The scent of a fart determined less than 1% of its chemical makeup, according to the ER doctor and broadcaster Dr Billy Goldberg. The average toot’s composition includes 59 percent nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen, with a temperature of around 37°C (98.6°F) now of formation.
In warm weather, when pollinators are most likely to be on the lookout, petals amp up the odor factor. It is possible, though, that exposing a chemically complex fart to a temperature similar to that of a hot summer day is not the ideal way to preserve flatulence in its purest form.
Whether it was because of the petals or not, Matto’s offering attracted 97 consumers in only two days. Obviously, the public is not as interested in science as we are, so how does the market look for the producer? Each day, the average individual generates 0.6–1.8 liters of intestinal gas, which translates to 12–25 farts in a 24-hour period. While having an above-average flatulence rate is not always a negative thing if you have been intentionally hoofing beans and intestinal irritants, 97 in two days may be overkill.
It is plausible to conclude that 48.5 farts per day is stretching the boundaries of clinical (and maybe moral) acceptability, and at the very least contradicts Matto’s own counsel to aspiring professional parpers: “Don’t push yourself too hard literally and symbolically.” Just have a good time!” In addition, just in case you are wondering if farts can transfer infections in the age of COVID, one Australian doctor has already done the academic heavy labor.
