When pupils ask, “When am I ever going to use this?” math teachers may have a new response. Researchers have scientifically analyzed what causes males to orgasm, which may offer many students a new appreciation for their subject but also cause awkward interactions with parents and school administrators.
The cycle of orgasm, plateau, and resolution—referred to as the human sexual response cycle—by Masters and Johnson is taken into account in the model. However, Dr. Konstantin Blyuss and Dr. Yuliya Kyrychko of the University of Sussex employ precise figures while earlier sex researchers had only used generic phrases. “Sex, ducks, and Rock ‘n’ Roll” is published in the fittingly entitled magazine Chaos, four days after April Fools’ Day, so you know it’s serious.
Mathematical models are now being applied to areas of human life, with the necessary data from observations and experiments becoming more publicly available. “One exception,” the research says, “is a physiological description of human sexual function, which has been largely based on self-reporting surveys and was not amenable to accurate measurements in controlled conditions until very recently, preventing mathematical analysis of this process.”
Let’s face it, people tend to lie about sex, and when you need them to recall things precisely enough to put a number value on it you probably wouldn’t want to rely on what they tell you. Researchers can’t even trust men on their penis size, and that’s pretty easy to check.
Today, however, we have access to arousal measurements taken in fMRI machines from males who performed sexual actions, either alone or with the company. Using their expertise in epidemiology, Blyuss, and Kyrychko analyzed the study’s data, which comprised an astounding 10,000 sexual acts and more than 300 male participants.
In a statement, Blyuss asserts, “We have created the first effective mathematical model of sexual performance. The physiological and psychological requirements for reaching climax are covered by our findings. They support and statistically validate earlier research on the psychology of sex.
The model explains not just orgasms during sex and masturbation, but also how the big deviation theory may predict the chance of having wet dreams.
“A key finding is that too much psychological arousal early in the process can reduce the likelihood of reaching climax,” Blyuss explained. “Our findings can be summarized simply as ‘don’t overthink it.'”
The two have developed two equations, one physiological and the other psychological, that define what decides whether a guy will have an orgasm. The calculations account for individual variances, such as spinal impairments that make climaxing more difficult, but they make no consideration for gender and sex discrepancies.
The title does not allude to the Argentinian duck, the vertebrate with the longest penis-to-body ratio, or any other part of waterfowl antics, in case you’re wondering where the ducks come in. Instead, the authors employed a mathematical method known as the canard because, when graphed, it resembles a duck. (French for duck). The study claims that an orgasmic trajectory is a “canard with head,” whereas an anorgasmic trajectory is a “canard without a head.”
Kyrychko goes on to say, “With what we have learned from this study, we intend to mathematically model the female sexual response, which is physiologically – and mathematically – more complex than the male response.” We’ll see whether they succeed, but perhaps they should first evaluate the validity of their calculations for males. There should be no scarcity of willing participants.
